Case Study 2: Jeremy

Jeremy is 11 years old and was referred to me by his Year Head in secondary school.
This referral materialised as a result of a family bereavement in unusual circumstances.

Jeremy, his brother and parents were visiting family in India during the Easter holidays. They are a devout Catholic family, Jeremy is a regular altar server in his parish. The car in which the family were travelling one day was involved in a road accident, Jeremy's uncle was driving at the time. The impact of the other car involved killed Jeremy's mother instantly. No-one else in the car was killed or marked through injury in any way. Jeremy was sitting next to his mother in the car, she died right at his side, literally inches from him. The driver of the other car was to blame for the accident.

"I feel that I'm over it almost and have come to terms with my loss"

It was at the time school resumed after the Easter holiday that Jeremy first came to see me. It is always a great privilege to undertake bereavement work with young people. Their grief is such a personal matter that, for them to share this with a relative stranger, at least so initially, is the great privilege I refer to. It never ceases to amaze me, in the course of my work in schools, just how strong and resilient young people can be in adversity. Jeremy was no exception, I wonder how I would have felt if as a boy, my parent had been killed while sitting right next to me?

I have undertaken a course of bereavement work with Jeremy from April 2005 up to the present time, this has been done in school once every two weeks or so. Jeremy undertakes this with me very willingly and responds positively. We discuss his feelings, past and present, ways to remember his late mother and we read bereavement booklets together, etc.

Last summer, I asked Jeremy how he felt three months on from his mother's death. He responded, "I think God wanted it to happen to see how we would cope. Now we have got used to being without her so now we have settled in and we can get on with things, at first we were shaky and nervous. We can now do things which we thought we couldn’t do. We are carrying on the journey. Life is a journey, when someone dies it is a delay in that journey. My faith is stronger than it was before". By the end of 2005, Jeremy told me, "I feel that I'm over it almost, come to terms with my loss. Even though I've lost my mum I've still got my dad and that's more than some other children have. I've understood what happened and everything that's changed and I've settled into my new life now".

What a wonderful inspiration Jeremy has been to me. I find myself able to learn from the thoughts expressed by an 11 year old boy e.g. what a marvellous unselfish attitude he has to life, rather than be angry with God for the loss of his mother, Jeremy tells me, as above, that his faith is now stronger.

Yes, it has been a great privilege to work with Jeremy.

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